This is really a verbal joke,  if you can do the Dalek voice:

Q “What do you get if you cross a Dalek with a beautician?”

A “A poor, half human creature with stiff arms who goes round screeching ‘Exfoliate! Exfoliate!’”

(I have to admit this is a favourite because I authored it!

Terrible isn’t it!)

   Bestie (Steve Best) is one of my favourite cartoonists, he has that sort of side-ways way of looking at things...

   Take a look at his site: bestie.org.uk/ and look out for the books, cards and calendars etc. using his output in the shops.

   If you don’t understand the joke click here and you will probably learn more than you wanted!

(The picture is reproduced with permission)

Seen in the window of a shop being refitted; one might think that the author needs a few lessons in basic maths!

This picture was sent to me by a friend who received it from America. I think it is a great joke, if limited by having a small window in time in which it is applicable - but keeping it on here gives others a chance to plagiarise it!

  Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are on a camping holiday. Late one evening Holmes nudges Watson awake and says,  “Look up Watson, what do you see?”

  Watson knows that Holmes will try to show off and has done his homework,

“Since the Pole Star is in sight we are in the Northern hemisphere; the zodiac is in the house of Taurus and from the angle of the Plough from the Pole Star I estimate that it is about 11pm. The very sharpness of the stars indicates that the humidity of the air is very low...” And so on for a few minutes then finishes with, “What do you see Holmes?” 

 Holmes replies, “I see that some villain has stolen our tent!”

HOME

   Old Tom the cleaner was walking along when one of the workers cursed because the hammer he was using broke.

   “Don’t make ‘em like they used ter,” said Old Tom. “You take this ‘ere brush of mine, ten years I’ve ‘ad it, still just like new. Corst, it’s ‘ad three new ‘eads and two new ‘andles, but’s still good as new, just look at it!”